Pain and Faith

Pain. This is the one thing in our lives that is absolutely inevitable. At some point in our lives the people we love will disappoint us and cause us some sort of pain. The question I have is it really worth it then to put ourselves our there and run the risk when you already know that the inevitable is pain?

Feeling pain is something that our society tells us is a bad thing. Whether it be in athletics, experiencing a death, dealing with a hard break up, or even losing a friend. Society tells us that we should show no pain even if we are experiencing a great difficulty in our lives. My family always taught me that pain is something for sissies and that if you want to achieve and become something great you have to show no pain or fear. This line of thinking in the end actually caused me more hurt than it did help me in any way. See, after hearing this ever since I was little, it became stuck in my head and soon I was unable to show any kind of emotion whatsoever. I had been so used to hiding all the pain that I felt that it began to eat me away on the inside. I was so ashamed that someone would think that I wasn't perfect that I hid everything from everyone. I got to the point where I was absolutely miserable. I thought that no one could ever understand what I was going through and better yet, I honestly did not think anyone cared. This build up of hurt and pain in my life started to hinder me from actually loving someone. People had hurt me so much in my life it was hard for me to actually believe that someone could actually love me. I had started making these boundaries in my life so that no one could ever hurt me again.

I believe that Meredith Grey said it best in Grey's Anatomy: “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them....”

I spent so much time every day trying to learn how to keep people out of my life that I never really experienced the happiness and joy of everyday life. Even though pain is something that is inevitable, I have found out it is worth it. I know there are times when everything goes so wrong and it feels like God is nowhere to be found . . . where there is so much pain in your life that you think you could never get thru this. The key in my life has always been faith, faith that God is there and is always looking out for us. Faith that no matter how bad the pain is in my life that God is always there no matter what. That no matter how far I think I have gone from God I can never get far enough to escape his love. God knows my past and he knows what is going to happen in my future. Lately, God has been trying to reveal some of what my future holds for me. However, I do not know yet what college I am attending, but I know that God will reveal this to me in his perfect timing. I have questioned God for so long, and I have finally decided that I am going to have faith in Him no matter what the cost may be. God is calling you to come to that same realization...will you listen to this call?

-Jordan