As these last four months start winding down, there are many obstacles I must overcome in order to survive. Fear of acceptance, inability to move on, difficulty persevering. These are three things that reveal my flaws, my weaknesses. Confidence, ambition, happiness. These are three characteristics of the person I want to be. The question is, which route will I go? Will I be able to conquer my fears, break away from this hereditary mold of weakness, and be able to become the person I have always strived to be? And even if I try, will I fail? Will I lose the ambition to change myself, or will I gain the inability to identify who I am altogether?
College is not a very subtle change. It is the biggest taste of the real world you will have before you find yourself right in the middle of it. About 6 months from today, I will be in an apartment with three complete strangers, and they will know me as their roommate. Will I like them? Will they like me? Better yet, will they like the new me? I don’t want to change who I am, rather, I want to fix my flaws, the flaws that hold me back from being ME. The person I want to be is still ME, just in a new light. But I am scared. I am scared of change, more importantly of failure. Should I really be looking forward to college? I think so. Really, I can’t wait. I just hope that when the clock strikes twelve and I find myself in a completely new world that I won’t lose myself, lose my goals, lose my will to change for the better. The answers to these questions are unknown, and to be honest, I don’t want to know them just yet. I want to dive into my new life head first and take the biggest risk I have ever taken in my life. I want to live. I want to Breathe. I want to be in the dark and have God hold the lamp to my feet. I seek opportunity, strive for success, and I am awaiting my future.
-Riley
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I understand where you are coming from Riley, I hope I don't lose myself to the temptations that will come
ReplyDeleteI think everyone is experiencing the same fears and questions that you are about the very near future. I only pray that we will find the way and stick to God the whole time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the two above me, well three above me if you count your blog. I also would like to become capital me.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog....I think it's really relevant. And I really liked your last few lines. Great job!!
ReplyDeletethat was soooooo beautiful...and true! I have always been excited to go to college, but with that comes great fear. Thanks so much for writting this blog and showing me that I'm not alone in these feelings.
ReplyDelete- Kelsey
Definitely in the same place... I always thought I would look forward to this point in my life, but now that it's here all I want to do is turn around and go back.
ReplyDeletei feel as if we've had this conversation before... :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job Riley, I know I am definitely feeling all the same things about college right now and wondering who I really want to be and if I can be myself with others pressuring me. Great blog!
ReplyDeletenow that college is approaching quicker everyday, its so scary... even though im not going far away, i will go away after im done with volstate. and to me, thats just crazy to be all on my own... but im willing to find out how it feels to be independent and live life upppppp
ReplyDeleteI think that mold will be easy for you to fill riley. you can do whatever you want, as long as you put your mind to it! :D
ReplyDeleteSeeing such a spiritual side coming out of a leader like you is truly inspiring. Thanks homegirl.
ReplyDelete